Five questions to ask before your Muslim marriage
Thinking about the questions you need to ask before Nikah? Here is a breakdown of conversation starters to see if you are compatible. Are you looking for a Muslim marriage? Struggling to break the ice with your latest match? Vidnik is here to help.
Starting a conversation with a complete stranger who could potentially be your lifelong partner is nerve-wracking. You want to make a good first impression, but you also need to ensure that you are both on the same page in terms of life goals and religious practices. You don’t want to waste each other’s time. Vidnik will help you build your confidence and project your best self with these questions that will spark conversation and help you select a partner for your Nikah.
Are you family-oriented and do you want children?
This is a very important question, not only for Muslims but for people of all faiths and those who are non-religious. In these times, not everyone is family-focused or wanting children, so if you can establish whether you both have the same desire to build a family, it will help you build a relationship that flourishes into a successful marriage. You should tread lightly with this question, as not everyone can have children, and this may be a sensitive subject for your intended and their family. Gauge their responses so you can react accordingly. The conversation will happen when they feel comfortable.
What’s your cultural background?
Muslims can come in all shapes and sizes from all around the world. While there will be some cultural similarities due to the foundations of their faith, there will also be differences if you are marrying outside of your community. All British Muslims will have some aspects of British culture ingrained in them, and they will be able to bond over that. However, there will also be differences derived from their heritage. The foods they eat may be new to you, or the music and dress may seem foreign. Understanding this will help you be accepted into each other’s families and will allow you to blend your own cultures for your future immediate family.
What do you do for a living and what is your financial status?
This may not be as important to the younger generations of Muslims seeking matrimony, but it is definitely a question your family will want the answer to. And there’s a reason for this. Traditionally, the woman would join the husband’s family after the Nikah. Both families may expect her to be the head of the household, especially in the first few years of motherhood. Understanding if the potential suitor can financially support this will put their minds at ease. So, be prepared to answer this question as if you were in a job interview.
“Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and actions.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2564
A true Islamic marriage isn’t based on financial standing; it’s based on love, interest, and belief. Yes, you may have to show evidence that you can support them. But follow this up with, “What’s your passion, what’s your dream?” This question shows that you are not just interested in their wealth but in their aspirations. It also allows you to see if you are compatible with those goals.
What are your expectations of a spouse and marriage?
Everyone has different expectations when it comes to marriage. Outlining these expectations before the Nikah will ensure both parties are happy with the roles they will play in each other’s lives. Some people may expect a level of affection you are not comfortable with or may require emotional support. There could also be expectations of the roles each spouse will play in their Islamic marriage. You may expect them to play the role of a stay-at-home parent, the matriarch of the household, or you may expect them to be the main breadwinner. And in today’s economy, you might both agree to split the responsibilities equally. If you can come to an agreement on these expectations before you start the Nikah process, you will set yourself up for success and ensure you both have a mutual understanding of the marriage and each other’s roles.
Do you have any health conditions in your family?
We all want a healthy partner with whom we can grow old under the gaze of Allah. Discussing any health implications you have or that run in your family is common during the Nikah search. As you are expected to care for each other, understanding any health conditions will ensure that your spouse can care for you. If you are planning to have a family, laying out all hereditary health conditions is essential. You will have to go through these health implications with your doctor when you start trying for a family, but sharing this information with your spouse prior to the Nikah will allow you both to tackle this early on.
